Should I even bother?I'm a happy healthy woman who is 20 years old. My boyfriend/fiance is 21.
We have talked about having kids, and agreed to wait at least a couple years (this was 3 years ago btw) before TTC. Lately I've noticed that he stares at babies with this longing look in his eyes. I can tell he wants one, but when I talked to him about it, he lies and says he doesn't want kids anymore, because he is afraid he is going to die before they grow up (he has kidney disease, and only a single kidney from birth).
I want a kid now though, and we both are healthy (aside from the kidney issues). Should I get my IUD out and start TTC? Would you do this and then try to surprise him when it finally happens?
We are supposed to get married this summer, and we are committed to one another, marriage is just a formality with my family that should be followed.
I'm asking this because I see it in his eyes... its the puppy look of begging...
He has talked to his doctor, and they predict dialysis by age 30.
I am the same blood and tissues type as him, and have 2 very healthy kidneys. I want to have a baby before I give him my kidney, as when that happens I will be getting my tubes tied.
We've talked about removing the IUD already, and I have an appointment to get it out next month. What I was asking is, should I get on other BC or should I just leave things sit and see if it happens?
I won't be wearing a dress at my wedding... I said we were getting married, but there will be no wedding.
I guess I should have added in here as well... before finding out about his kidneys, we were TTC. I had the IUD put in until we could get his disease under control (he is on BP meds and diuretics now).
His disease is now under control, and I am having the IUD removed.
We wanted kids right from the start, its only been since he found out that his kidney's were bad that the kids were put on hold.
Posted by Just Me
Don't surprise him with a pregnancy, even if you think he looks at babies with a longing look. Talk to him seriously about it and discuss your wanting for a child, maybe he'll come around. Ask him to discuss his kidney issues with a doctor, maybe they can put his mind at ease as far as dieing before they grow up.
Get him on board, have your IUD removed right before your wedding, enjoy your big day and then start TTC.
Good luck!!!
Posted by Apple
Well I wouldn't just take out your IUD w/out talking to him first. What you may think is a "nice surprise" to him just might not be. Maybe you should just take out your IUD the night you get married, or a few days before! But you should talk to your fiance first before doing something like that.
Posted by stephy
I would wait until after the wedding for many reasons. You won't fit into the dress when you get married if you are pregnant. You will probably get pregnant after getting the IUD out a lot faster than you think. Your family will also probably be a lot happier if you wait.
If anything just get married a little bit sooner.
Posted by rookem123
You should NOT just surprise him with the news...this is a decision that the two of you should make together, not something that you should trick him into.
Just talk to him some more about it to try to understand his fears. I would assume it would be difficult living with kidney disease and I can see where he is coming from. Maybe the two of you could even visit a counselor together. Good luck!
Posted by Iolanda
well, i wouldnt have a baby until he has definetly said yes, because sometimes you can look at something while thinking of something else and it shows on your face (i was angry at 1 of my teachers, thinking about her while talking to my mate, and she thought i was upset with her :S)
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