Mom losing the will to live?Guidance plz??Kidney failure.?My mom has had diabetes for many years. She is 66. She is a brittle diabetic with sugars regularly reaching 400-600 each week. Her kidney doctor told her her kidney function is really starting to drop. He wants to get her ready for dialysis. She refuses to even consider the thought. ( Honestly, my mom has always been a very selfish person and was physically abusive to all of her daughters. I mean beatings and being made to lay in ice cold water with ice cubes so I didn't bruise too badly. I don't think she ever considers how her actions affect the family or my dad, and I don't think she cares either. She tried to overdose numerous X's in front of the kids. When she went unconscious, and we got her care, she would come too screaming that we wouldn't let her die.) Her doctor gave her 1-2 years MAX until she has complete failure. He suspects it will be about 1 year. She said she doesn't want to be connected to a machine and be in pain. I told her she would still have a half week each week to be with family. It could be since I'm with young children I have a different view, but NOTHING would keep me from being there for my kids. I don't care if I had to lose my legs or be paralyzed. I wouldn't let that stop me from seeing my children. Maybe that is what it is, she doesn't care about her kids. As a mother, the kids even at the age of 30, would still be my babies. While I don't have kidney problems, I do know what it is like to like with chronic pain. I have neck/back problems since a high speed wreck 5 years ago.
While she has diabetes from genetics (Native American heritage), she has constantly fought us on taking care of the disease. Often she would refuse to take her insulin, because she feared gaining weight. A part of me feels she deserved the complications she has. She has just about every complication possible. Why do people give up the will to live?? Why do they get so selfish? How long does it take to die after the kidneys fail??
What do I have to expect medically speaking, for the next year??
A few people have offered to donate a kidney. She doesn't seem to care.
Posted by Morgan
Well... seems like you will just have to sort of give up on her. If she refuses to get medical treatment you cannot do a thing. Im not a doctor but for a 13 year old, i know allot in the medical Field because of my medical complications. She will soon start to get allot of pain in her sides, and back from kidney failure. Im not sure what they can do for her since she wont get a kidney transplant and wont do dialysis....
Posted by Gem
I feel for you, I really do. I can't even begin to understand how you feel and I'm sorry for not helping I just wanted you to know you're in my thoughts!
Some family members are selfish and if it were me I would make her last monhs on this planet as happy and pleasant as possible!
Posted by crazyowl
I am sorry this most be an impossible thing for you but I am afraid you can not force your mom to do anything against her wishes there is an old saying you can lead a horse to water but you can not force it to drink. It is her life and if she wants to ruin it then there is not much you can do.As far as I can see you have a few choices here you can refuse to accept your moms decision and carry on as you are trying to get her to look after herself. you can just accept her decision and carry on doing what you can for her, or you can tell her that she is being extremely selfish and if she wishes to continue to try and kill herself by not looking after her disease but that you will not stay around and watch her slowly kill herself. From what you have said she is not a nice person and if you walked away I do not think anyone will think any the less of you as you have your own children to look after as well and this must affect them. Sorry if this sounds harsh but sometimes you need to know when to draw the line. Good luck what ever you decide to do I wish you all the best
Posted by Mister Big-RED
After kidney failure it's going to be pretty quick provided that her body does a fine job of following her self directed shut down procedure and she isn't on on of them thar dialysis machines. Getting juiced up with toxins and backing off on the insulin will help the whole process - probably is best to quit drinking water altogether and maybe asking her if copious amounts of alcohol could help her along with her self prescribed requiem.
I would make a year long party out of it - send her out in style and maybe whack her up side the head a couple good fifty wallops just for ole time's sake.
Posted by House825
I've been on dialysis. Tell your mother's there's really nothing particularly painful about it; you have to have needles put in your arms, but you can use numbing cream for that. After that, I don't recall any pain whatsoever.
Regarding how long does it take to die after the kidneys fail, the National Kidney Foundation says this:
"People with kidney failure may survive days to weeks without dialysis, depending on the amount of kidney function they have, how severe their symptoms are and their overall medical condition."
If your mother did want a transplant, it's doubtful that she would be approved by a transplant team; a person who refuses to go on dialysis is not being compliant with treatment. I learned that if I started skipping dialysis, I would be removed from the waiting list.
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