What should I do with my disabled parent?I'm not sure If it is time for my dad to be in a nursing home, or If there are other options to consider. All I know is that my dad refuses to get any kind of assistance (in home or out) and he gets quite hysterical at the idea. But first let me tell you about myself.
I'm 22 years old, going to school 18 hours a week and working 15 hours a week. I havent left home yet because it would be too dificult for me to afford living alone while going to school. But living with my parents has been more then a challenge.
My Dad is 64 and was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 10 years ago. He is at a point where he can only walk small amounts a time. Now he uses a wheel chair or crawls around on the floor. He falls down pretty often and we have to call the fire department to lift him back into his bed. He can barely get himself to the bathroom, and soils himself atleast twice a week. He also refuses to wear Depends and it's a pretty disgusting situation to say the least. He has a hard time showering and dressing himself. Probably showers once every 2 weeks, and has resided to only wearing underwear and socks. He is very difficult for anyone to get along with, because he is severly depressed and angry. Now his Docor says he is showing the begining signs of altzheimers.
My Mom is 58 and has had Chronic Kidney Disease for 7 years. She recieves dialysis 4 times a week. She is still alot more functional then my Dad, and I think she can take care of herself adequately. She is atleast more sociable, and she bathes herself more frequently. She tries to take care of my dad , but I dont know why she thinks she is strong enough to do everything for him when she isn't. A year ago my mom had a stroke. She was lucky and had a pretty quick recovery. But she can barely use her left hand, and she still drives my Dad around everyday. And sometimes when my mom can't drive him for whatever reason, my dad actually drives. Theres just no way that can be safe. The police started to recognize him and have pulled him over multiple times, in the past six months alone. Yet no legal action has been taken.
Although they are not that old, they are retired and barely leave the house. I am left to do ALL of the cleaning for my entire house regularly, with little complaint. But I honestly refuse to sacrifice my life anymore then I have. But its also difficult to stand back and watch, and no one has given me any advice or ideas. My younger sister moved out a while ago but she is the only other person who has seen how unhealthy their situation is. Still I wonder, Why hasnt their doctor taken action? What is there to do?
Posted by A M
Oh Susan, my heart goes out to you because my situation is so similar to yours. Very few people can understand what you're going through but I understand fully and it is INCREDIBLY difficult and unfair.
I won't depress you with the details of my situation, because yours may have more answers than mine unfortunately does. Your parents may qualify for aid through Medicare, and if so, that could help take the burden off you somewhat. Some churches have volunteers who are willing to give family caregivers a break -- though your dad may be like my mom, who pretty much refuses to have anyone else in the house to help.
Sigh...this isn't really a helpful answer, but more than anything I wanted you to know you're not alone. It can feel that way, being in your 20's and caring for disabled parents when everyone else you know is completely carefree. Feel free to e-mail me if you want to compare notes. Good luck and take care.
Posted by Snobants K
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Posted by QualityNY.com
Hello,
If you're worried about your parents, you might want to hire a home healthcare agency to come and take care of them both. It can be a lot of work for one person, so maybe home health aides would be able to give you a hand even part time. I'll post a link below to our site where you can get info on in home healthcare and caring for aging parents. I hope that helps.
Posted by pcheesewhiz
The doctor hasn't taken action because he has absolutely no legal right to do so. He can render a diagnosis and give advice if asked. But that is it.
The police are also operating under the reasonable constraints of the law. They have the right to give your Dad a ticket or a warning for any driving infraction. As long as he has a license, he has the right to drive.
First the house belongs to your parents and they have the right to do whatever they want. It is possible to have someone declared mentally incompetent by the courts. Of course, that takes a significant amount of time and financial resources, since you would need a lawyer. Frankly if your father were declared mentally incompetent, your mother legally still has the rights to do as she sees fit with herself and her husband.
You can consult with members of the family, a counselor or a lawyer. No one is going to offer advice unless you ask. Both your parents can opt to be evaluated for physical and mental competency at their discretion Perhaps a family member or friend can convince your parents that they do need help.
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